I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
