my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
