My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
