The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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