we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
