remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
