Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
