just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish you could order shots online.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
