She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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