he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize