I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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