Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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