Nicole vs. Life
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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