Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
