it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize