i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize