guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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