Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
