Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
