You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
