I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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