yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
