just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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