Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
