i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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