You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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