My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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