Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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