i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
