Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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