i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
