kristin has been a bad kristin
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
