Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We have so much sex to catch up on
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
