I CAN MOONWALK!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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