I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
