I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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