would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you inspire me to be a worse person
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
