the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My balls are so social today.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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