FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
