theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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