He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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