Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
