I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize