I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
