i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
