i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
