We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
