Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
