How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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