I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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