O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
