You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
