dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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