Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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