you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
