So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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