He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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