i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
