the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize