Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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