yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize