She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
