mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
