STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
