He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
