Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
