Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
