There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
