i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
