There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
