Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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