I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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